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Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #9061
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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    There's DUMB, there's DUMBER, and then there's this guy !!

    A real incident in Pakistan....



    A Taliban suicide bomber stopped and searched by police, was found with a metal shield around his penis.


    Asked about the purpose of this protection, his response was:
    "I want to keep my penis intact after the explosion, so as not to have sexual problems when I get my 72 virgins in heaven!"


    Just wondering - is this the true interpretation of a Dick-Head?

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    I was at this wedding, and I said to the bloke next to me "F*cking hell, that bride is ugly".
    "Do you mind, that's my daughter" came the reply.
    I said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were her father".
    "I'm not, I'm her mother".

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Last edited by SS Dave; 23-02-20 at 08:07 PM.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Man tells his wife to get ready, you, me and the dog are going fishing.

    Wife says she doesn't want to go.

    Man gives her 3 options: Fishing, blow job or take it up the ass.

    Wife picks blow job.

    After sucking for a while she says yuk, your dick tastes like shit.

    He says I know, the dog didn't want to go either.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The Politician

    The Prime Minister, with his press entourage, was visiting an outback Aboriginal town. He asked the local elders what he could do for them.
    “Mista Prime Minsta, we have two big needs,” replied the lead elder.
    “Firstly....they built us a nice new hospital, but there's no doctor.”
    On hearing this, the PM's main man whipped out his phone. After speaking animatedly for a while, he turned his phone off,
    dropped it into his pocket and nodded to the PM.
    "Sorted! Now, what's your second problem?"

    “No mobile phone coverage.....”
    You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....

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    [url=https://postimages.org/]
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    This guy wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else.

    One day he got frustrated and said, "i will give you $100 if you let me screw you".

    She said No, he said "ill be fast, Ill throw the money on the floor, you bend down to pick it up, and ill be done by the time you pick it up".

    So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

    Her boyfriend says, "ask him for $200 and pickup the money really fast, he wont even have time to drop his pants".

    So she agrees.

    Half an hour goes past and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call back, finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls her and asks her what happened.

    She responds, "the Fvckn arsehole used coins!"

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    I'm not saying the wife's fat or anything.

    But she eats off tectonic plates.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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