Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #9061
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  2. The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    alpha0ne (23-02-20),carjackma (22-02-20),enf (23-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (23-02-20),hazman (23-02-20),hinekadon (23-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (23-02-20),ol' boy (23-02-20),william10 (23-02-20)



  • #9062
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (23-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (23-02-20),hazman (23-02-20),hinekadon (24-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (23-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20),SS Dave (23-02-20)

  • #9063
    Premium Member
    fred49au's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    75
    Posts
    586
    Thanks
    5,783
    Thanked 3,272 Times in 524 Posts
    Rep Power
    1357
    Reputation
    57071

    Default

    There's DUMB, there's DUMBER, and then there's this guy !!

    A real incident in Pakistan....



    A Taliban suicide bomber stopped and searched by police, was found with a metal shield around his penis.


    Asked about the purpose of this protection, his response was:
    "I want to keep my penis intact after the explosion, so as not to have sexual problems when I get my 72 virgins in heaven!"


    Just wondering - is this the true interpretation of a Dick-Head?

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to fred49au For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (23-02-20),hazman (23-02-20),hinekadon (24-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (23-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20),SS Dave (23-02-20)

  • #9064
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default

    I was at this wedding, and I said to the bloke next to me "F*cking hell, that bride is ugly".
    "Do you mind, that's my daughter" came the reply.
    I said "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were her father".
    "I'm not, I'm her mother".

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    carjackma (23-02-20),enf (23-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (23-02-20),hinekadon (24-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (24-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20),SS Dave (23-02-20),william10 (23-02-20)

  • #9065
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (23-02-20),hinekadon (24-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (24-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20),SS Dave (23-02-20),Tiny (24-02-20),william10 (23-02-20)

  • #9066
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    alpha0ne (23-02-20),carjackma (23-02-20),enf (23-02-20),fred49au (24-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (23-02-20),hinekadon (24-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (24-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20),SS Dave (23-02-20),Tiny (24-02-20),william10 (23-02-20)

  • #9067
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (23-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (24-02-20),hazman (24-02-20),hinekadon (24-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (24-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20)

  • #9068
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    Last edited by SS Dave; 23-02-20 at 08:07 PM.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (24-02-20),enf (23-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (24-02-20),hazman (24-02-20),hinekadon (24-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (24-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20),shred (25-02-20)

  • #9069
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    Godzilla (28-02-20),hazman (24-02-20),hinekadon (25-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20)

  • #9070
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default

    Man tells his wife to get ready, you, me and the dog are going fishing.

    Wife says she doesn't want to go.

    Man gives her 3 options: Fishing, blow job or take it up the ass.

    Wife picks blow job.

    After sucking for a while she says yuk, your dick tastes like shit.

    He says I know, the dog didn't want to go either.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (25-02-20),enf (25-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (25-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20),ol' boy (27-02-20),RogerTheDoger (25-02-20),SS Dave (25-02-20)

  • #9071
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    63
    Posts
    2,117
    Thanks
    5,296
    Thanked 7,917 Times in 1,280 Posts
    Rep Power
    3335
    Reputation
    154682

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    alpha0ne (26-02-20),enf (27-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (26-02-20),hazman (27-02-20),hinekadon (26-02-20),Jma (25-02-20),Keith (26-02-20),lsemmens (28-02-20),mkhannah (25-02-20),william10 (25-02-20)

  • #9072
    Premium Member
    Keith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,080
    Thanks
    8,858
    Thanked 1,041 Times in 317 Posts
    Rep Power
    596
    Reputation
    18122

    Default

    The Politician

    The Prime Minister, with his press entourage, was visiting an outback Aboriginal town. He asked the local elders what he could do for them.
    “Mista Prime Minsta, we have two big needs,” replied the lead elder.
    “Firstly....they built us a nice new hospital, but there's no doctor.”
    On hearing this, the PM's main man whipped out his phone. After speaking animatedly for a while, he turned his phone off,
    dropped it into his pocket and nodded to the PM.
    "Sorted! Now, what's your second problem?"

    “No mobile phone coverage.....”
    You can learn alot using Google, and the search button.....

  • The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Keith For This Useful Post:

    + Show/Hide list of the thanked

    alpha0ne (27-02-20),enf (27-02-20),fred49au (28-02-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (27-02-20),hazman (27-02-20),lsemmens (28-02-20),mkhannah (27-02-20),RogerTheDoger (27-02-20),SS Dave (27-02-20),william10 (27-02-20)

  • #9073
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    [url=https://postimages.org/]
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (27-02-20),fred49au (01-03-20),Godzilla (28-02-20),gulliver (28-02-20),hazman (27-02-20),hinekadon (28-02-20),Keith (05-03-20),lsemmens (28-02-20),mkhannah (27-02-20),SS Dave (27-02-20)

  • #9074
    Senior Member
    Godzilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Melbourne
    Age
    59
    Posts
    12,740
    Thanks
    16,580
    Thanked 7,201 Times in 3,648 Posts
    Rep Power
    2198
    Reputation
    79113

    Default

    This guy wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else.

    One day he got frustrated and said, "i will give you $100 if you let me screw you".

    She said No, he said "ill be fast, Ill throw the money on the floor, you bend down to pick it up, and ill be done by the time you pick it up".

    So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

    Her boyfriend says, "ask him for $200 and pickup the money really fast, he wont even have time to drop his pants".

    So she agrees.

    Half an hour goes past and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call back, finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls her and asks her what happened.

    She responds, "the Fvckn arsehole used coins!"

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Godzilla For This Useful Post:

    carjackma (28-02-20),enf (28-02-20),fred49au (01-03-20),gulliver (28-02-20),hazman (28-02-20),hinekadon (28-02-20),Keith (05-03-20),lsemmens (28-02-20),SS Dave (28-02-20)

  • #9075
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    I'm not saying the wife's fat or anything.

    But she eats off tectonic plates.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    Godzilla (03-03-20),hazman (02-03-20),Keith (05-03-20)

  • #9076
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (02-03-20),fred49au (03-03-20),Godzilla (03-03-20),gulliver (03-03-20),Keith (05-03-20),SS Dave (02-03-20),william10 (03-03-20)

  • #9077
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (03-03-20),Godzilla (03-03-20),gulliver (03-03-20),hazman (03-03-20),Keith (05-03-20)

  • #9078
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (03-03-20),enf (03-03-20),Godzilla (03-03-20),gulliver (03-03-20),hinekadon (03-03-20),Keith (05-03-20),SS Dave (03-03-20),william10 (03-03-20)

  • #9079
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    2,023
    Thanks
    7,349
    Thanked 12,494 Times in 1,800 Posts
    Rep Power
    5260
    Reputation
    249784

    Default


  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (03-03-20),enf (03-03-20),gulliver (03-03-20),hinekadon (03-03-20),Keith (05-03-20),william10 (03-03-20)

  • #9080
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    70
    Posts
    17,752
    Thanks
    16,817
    Thanked 34,961 Times in 9,058 Posts
    Rep Power
    13677
    Reputation
    644429

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (03-03-20),fred49au (04-03-20),Godzilla (03-03-20),gulliver (03-03-20),hazman (03-03-20),hinekadon (03-03-20),Keith (05-03-20),lsemmens (03-03-20),SS Dave (03-03-20)

  • Page 454 of 635 FirstFirst ... 354404444445446447448449450451452453454455456457458459460461462463464504554 ... LastLast

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •