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Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #10481
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior

    to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the

    need arose.

    As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally,

    so, the call went out.

    Finally, a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot

    willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

    After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving

    his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.

    A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a

    corrective surgery.

    The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate

    more of his blood again.

    After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and

    a box of Black Magic chocolates.

    The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind

    gesture as he had before.

    He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again,

    that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only

    gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."

    To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma

    veins".
    reject religion for the planets safety

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    An avid old golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
    Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
    “I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon.
    “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”
    “Oh God no!” cries the man.
    “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”
    “The good news is… I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm and I’ll need your permission before I can go ahead with the transplant.”
    “Go for it doc,” says the old man, “as long as I can play golf again.”
    The operation went well and a year later the old man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
    “Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.
    “Just great,” says the old golfer.
    “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch, and my putting has really improved.”
    “That’s great,” said the surgeon.
    “Not only that,” continued the old golfer,
    “My handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolours. “
    “That’s unbelievable!” said the surgeon,
    “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”
    “Well, just two, said the old golfer,
    “I have trouble parallel parking, and every time I get an erection I also get a headache.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah.

    While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked,

    "I'll bet the antelope gets away."

    The wife answered, "If that antelope survives this one, I'll give you sex every day for the rest of your life."

    The deadly chase was recorded.



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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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