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Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #10501
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    "Good morning class," A university professor greets his brand new students. "Welcome to your first official day of training. But before we begin, I'd like to ask each student to quickly introduce themselves and give a little information on what led them to be interested in this particular field of work."

    The blond student in the first seat stands up.
    "Hello everyone!" The blond addresses, "Probably like many of you, I grew up in a small town. My dad was a farmer, of course. I remember as a little kid, I used to love helping him out with the land and the animals. I would assist him any chance I got. Even our neighbours, when they would let me! So, like many of you probably, I thought to myself why not do it for a living?"

    After brief silence, the professor replies "And that's why you've chosen this profession? Because of your love of assisting farmers?"

    "That's right!" The Blonde student replies proudly. "I want to be a pharmacist."
    reject religion for the planets safety

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

    You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
    -- Alan, age 10

    -No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
    -- Kristen, age 10


    2.WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
    Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then..
    -- Camille, age 10


    3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
    You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
    -- Derrick, age 8


    4.WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
    Both don't want any more kids.
    -- Lori, age 8


    5.WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
    -Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
    -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

    -On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
    -- Martin, age 10


    6.WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
    -When they're rich.
    -- Pam, age 7 (Love her )

    -The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
    - - Curt, age 7

    -The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
    - - Howard, age 8


    7.IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
    It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
    -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )


    8.HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
    There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
    -- Kelvin, age 8

    And the #1 Favorite is.......


    9.HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
    Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
    -- Ricky, age 10
    reject religion for the planets safety

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    I finally fixed that annoying noise my car would make when I went too fast.

    It took some effort to lean across and shove her out, but I did it.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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