Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

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    . Please treat people as you would like to be treated yourself.



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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I watched Bohemian Rhapsody and was sad to think that Freddie Mercury died of AIDS just before it became treatable.

    Then I watched Rocketman and was sad to think that AIDS is now treatable.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    God Said, "Adam, I

    Want you to do
    Something for
    Me."

    Adam
    Said, "Gladly,
    Lord, what do You
    Want me to do?"

    God
    Said, "Go down
    Into that
    Valley."


    Adam said, "What's
    A valley?"

    God explained it to him.




    Then God said,
    "Cross the
    River."

    Adam said, "What's a
    River?"

    God explained that
    To him, and then said,
    "Go over to the
    Hill....."

    Adam said,

    "What is a
    Hill?"

    So, God explained to
    Adam what a hill was.
    He told Adam, "On
    The
    Other side of the
    Hill you will find a
    Cave."


    Adam said, 'What's a
    Cave?'

    After God explained,
    He
    Said, "In the cave
    You will find a woman."

    Adam said, "What's a
    Woman?'

    So God explained
    That to him, too.
    Then, God said, 'I
    Want you
    To
    Reproduce."

    Adam said, "How do
    I do
    That?"

    God first said (under
    His breath), "Geez....."

    And then,
    Just like everything else, God explained that to
    Adam, as
    Well.

    So, Adam goes down
    Into
    The valley,
    Across the river, and
    Over the hill,
    Into the
    Cave, and finds the
    Woman.

    Then, in
    About five minutes, he was back.
    God,
    His patience
    Wearing thin, said
    Angrily, "What is
    It
    Now?"

    And Adam said....


    **


    (YOU'RE GOING TO
    LOVE
    THIS!!!!!!)

    **

    *"What's a
    Headache?"
    . Please treat people as you would like to be treated yourself.

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    Default Only in Asia
































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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
    Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."

    "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

    Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."

    The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

    By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".

    Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

    Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"

    "Now tell me, what the heck would you say?"
    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

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    Aaaaaaah Collingwood!

    The only suburb where a girl can be both jailbait AND a MILF at once!
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    I wish my ex could look down from heaven and see me now.

    But nooooooo, the bitch is still alive.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • 04-06-19, 01:48 PM

    Reason
    The jokes section is only for posts... not discussion.

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    Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's butt anymore.

    If walking is good for your health, the mailman would be immortal.

    A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

    A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

    And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

    Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

    3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

    6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

    7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

    8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

    9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

    10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

    11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

    12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

    13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

    14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

    15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

    16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

    17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

    18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

    20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you!?
    . Please treat people as you would like to be treated yourself.

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    Fact: The reason budget airlines dim the cabin lights on take off is so your eyes can get used to the Flight Attendants slowly.

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    Why was the lebo cray, coz he was hommous-cidal.

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