here are some funnies to keep us amused folks!! have a giggle with these brain teasers.
Some Questions - with no apparent answers.
1. When poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"
8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has cars, and only the rich own horses.
...Now, four great confusions still unresolved.....
1. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?
2. If people evolve from monkeys,
why are monkeys still around?
3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
Last edited by Johnno; 15-08-20 at 07:44 PM.
Now- Some Vagaries of the English Language!
Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?
Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?
How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?
If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?
If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?
Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?
Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?
How come Noses run and Feet smell?
Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?
What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?
Well now, don’t you feel refreshed after all of that, so go make a coffee and head back to your book, or iPad game - and enjoy yet another day in
Last edited by Johnno; 15-08-20 at 09:25 PM.
Just letting all on Austech know I had the Russian Covid19 vaccination yesterday and I can honestly tell you there are absolutely no negative sideffski efectovski secundariosvki Кто может это прочитать Обожаю Владимира Путина!
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?
The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.’ 'What that tell you?' asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?’
"You dumber than a Dan Andrews voter. It means someone stole the tent.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner where a shoe shine is always located. He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.
One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director: “What do you think about the situation in the stock market?”
The Director asks in turn arrogantly: “Why are you so interested in that - that topic?"
"I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoeshine says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."
“What your name?”asks the Director.
“John Smith H."
The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department: “Do we have a client named John Smith H.?"
“Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manage, he is a highly esteemed customer. He has a million dollars in his account."
The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine, and says: “Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you."
At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members: “We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him. "
Mr. Smith began his story:
“I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business.
When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and ointments in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while cleaning their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.
Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars."
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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