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Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #8981
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    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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  • #8982
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  • #8983
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  • #8984
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  • #8985
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  • #8986
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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  • #8989
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  • #8990
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Thoughts for the Day:


    * IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.

    * RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. THEY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.

    * I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD, I'M 85 -- PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.

    * WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH? DID AUSTRALIA MOVE?

    * WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL. WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.

    * BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.

    * LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.

    * VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CANíT HUNT, FISH, OR LIGHT FIRES.

    * I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK "REALLY?Ē -- THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"

    * IN MY DEFENCE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.

    * IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.

    * MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A RABBIT WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.

    * SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID -- AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.

    * CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.

    * I THOUGHT GETTING OLD WOULD TAKE LONGER.

    * A WISE MAN ONCE SAID - NOTHING.
    . Please treat people as you would like to be treated yourself.

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  • #8992
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Last night I accused the wife of cheating on me with a black guy.

    She broke down sobbing and said, "Nothing you say could be less true !"

    Looking over the top of the paper, I replied "What about - you're a slender, fit, attractive 60kg woman."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post
    I believe that is Chapter 1.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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