Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #8981
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    9,177
    Thanks
    9,295
    Thanked 5,837 Times in 2,787 Posts
    Rep Power
    2572
    Reputation
    108000

    Default

    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  2. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-01-20),fred49au (22-01-20),gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (21-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),mkhannah (21-01-20),SS Dave (21-01-20),Tiny (22-01-20)



  • #8982
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    9,177
    Thanks
    9,295
    Thanked 5,837 Times in 2,787 Posts
    Rep Power
    2572
    Reputation
    108000

    Default

    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-01-20),gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (21-01-20),SS Dave (21-01-20)

  • #8983
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    9,177
    Thanks
    9,295
    Thanked 5,837 Times in 2,787 Posts
    Rep Power
    2572
    Reputation
    108000

    Default

    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-01-20),gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (21-01-20)

  • #8984
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    9,177
    Thanks
    9,295
    Thanked 5,837 Times in 2,787 Posts
    Rep Power
    2572
    Reputation
    108000

    Default

    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-01-20),gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (21-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),SS Dave (21-01-20)

  • #8985
    LSemmens
    lsemmens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Rural South OZ
    Posts
    9,177
    Thanks
    9,295
    Thanked 5,837 Times in 2,787 Posts
    Rep Power
    2572
    Reputation
    108000

    Default

    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lsemmens For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-01-20),gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (21-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),SS Dave (21-01-20)

  • #8986
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    66
    Posts
    14,885
    Thanks
    13,505
    Thanked 24,154 Times in 6,869 Posts
    Rep Power
    9217
    Reputation
    428289

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (21-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (21-01-20),SS Dave (21-01-20)

  • #8987
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    59
    Posts
    1,475
    Thanks
    3,502
    Thanked 2,795 Times in 655 Posts
    Rep Power
    1223
    Reputation
    52242

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-01-20),gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (21-01-20),hinekadon (21-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (21-01-20)

  • #8988
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    59
    Posts
    1,475
    Thanks
    3,502
    Thanked 2,795 Times in 655 Posts
    Rep Power
    1223
    Reputation
    52242

    Default

    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (21-01-20),enf (21-01-20),Godzilla (17-02-20),gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (21-01-20),hinekadon (21-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (21-01-20)

  • #8989
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,466
    Thanks
    4,891
    Thanked 8,399 Times in 1,252 Posts
    Rep Power
    3560
    Reputation
    167884

    Default


  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (21-01-20),gulliver (22-01-20),hinekadon (21-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),SS Dave (21-01-20),Tiny (22-01-20)

  • #8990
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    66
    Posts
    14,885
    Thanks
    13,505
    Thanked 24,154 Times in 6,869 Posts
    Rep Power
    9217
    Reputation
    428289

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (22-01-20),hazman (22-01-20),hinekadon (22-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),SS Dave (22-01-20)

  • #8991
    Premium Member
    hinekadon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    still above ground level
    Posts
    1,499
    Thanks
    4,020
    Thanked 1,643 Times in 603 Posts
    Rep Power
    679
    Reputation
    29237

    Default

    Thoughts for the Day:


    * IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.

    * RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. THEY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.

    * I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD, I'M 85 -- PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.

    * WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH? DID AUSTRALIA MOVE?

    * WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL. WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.

    * BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.

    * LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.

    * VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CANíT HUNT, FISH, OR LIGHT FIRES.

    * I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK "REALLY?Ē -- THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"

    * IN MY DEFENCE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.

    * IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.

    * MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A RABBIT WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.

    * SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID -- AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.

    * CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.

    * I THOUGHT GETTING OLD WOULD TAKE LONGER.

    * A WISE MAN ONCE SAID - NOTHING.
    are you a self appointed hypocrite sheriff or just a nasty person

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hinekadon For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (22-01-20),enf (22-01-20),gulliver (24-01-20),hazman (23-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (22-01-20),SS Dave (22-01-20)

  • #8992
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    66
    Posts
    14,885
    Thanks
    13,505
    Thanked 24,154 Times in 6,869 Posts
    Rep Power
    9217
    Reputation
    428289

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (23-01-20),Godzilla (17-02-20),gulliver (24-01-20),hazman (23-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (23-01-20),mkhannah (23-01-20),NoAIR (22-02-20),SS Dave (23-01-20)

  • #8993
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    66
    Posts
    14,885
    Thanks
    13,505
    Thanked 24,154 Times in 6,869 Posts
    Rep Power
    9217
    Reputation
    428289

    Default

    Last night I accused the wife of cheating on me with a black guy.

    She broke down sobbing and said, "Nothing you say could be less true !"

    Looking over the top of the paper, I replied "What about - you're a slender, fit, attractive 60kg woman."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (24-01-20),Keith (30-01-20)

  • #8994
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,466
    Thanks
    4,891
    Thanked 8,399 Times in 1,252 Posts
    Rep Power
    3560
    Reputation
    167884

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (24-01-20),gulliver (24-01-20),hinekadon (24-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (24-01-20),mkhannah (26-01-20),SS Dave (24-01-20)

  • #8995
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,466
    Thanks
    4,891
    Thanked 8,399 Times in 1,252 Posts
    Rep Power
    3560
    Reputation
    167884

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (24-01-20),gulliver (24-01-20),hinekadon (24-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (24-01-20),mkhannah (26-01-20),SS Dave (24-01-20)

  • #8996
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,466
    Thanks
    4,891
    Thanked 8,399 Times in 1,252 Posts
    Rep Power
    3560
    Reputation
    167884

    Default


  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (24-01-20),Godzilla (17-02-20),gulliver (24-01-20),hinekadon (24-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (24-01-20),mkhannah (26-01-20),SS Dave (24-01-20)

  • #8997
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,466
    Thanks
    4,891
    Thanked 8,399 Times in 1,252 Posts
    Rep Power
    3560
    Reputation
    167884

    Default


  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (24-01-20),Godzilla (17-02-20),hinekadon (24-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (24-01-20),mkhannah (26-01-20)

  • #8998
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,466
    Thanks
    4,891
    Thanked 8,399 Times in 1,252 Posts
    Rep Power
    3560
    Reputation
    167884

    Default


  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (24-01-20),gulliver (24-01-20),hinekadon (24-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (24-01-20),mkhannah (26-01-20),SS Dave (24-01-20)

  • #8999
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    66
    Posts
    14,885
    Thanks
    13,505
    Thanked 24,154 Times in 6,869 Posts
    Rep Power
    9217
    Reputation
    428289

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (25-01-20),hazman (25-01-20),hinekadon (25-01-20),Keith (30-01-20),lsemmens (25-01-20),mkhannah (26-01-20),SS Dave (25-01-20)

  • #9000
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    59
    Posts
    1,475
    Thanks
    3,502
    Thanked 2,795 Times in 655 Posts
    Rep Power
    1223
    Reputation
    52242

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post
    I believe that is Chapter 1.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (25-01-20),enf (25-01-20),hazman (25-01-20)

  • Page 450 of 487 FirstFirst ... 350400440441442443444445446447448449450451452453454455456457458459460 ... LastLast

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •