Page 435 of 435 FirstFirst ... 335385425426427428429430431432433434435
Results 8,681 to 8,695 of 8695

Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may cause offense, read at your own risk

  1. #8681
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,286
    Thanks
    4,066
    Thanked 7,150 Times in 1,083 Posts
    Rep Power
    3043
    Reputation
    142904

    Default


  2. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (18-09-19),fred49au (19-09-19),gulliver (18-09-19),hinekadon (18-09-19),Keith (18-09-19),lsemmens (18-09-19),mkhannah (18-09-19)



  • #8682
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    65
    Posts
    13,784
    Thanks
    12,096
    Thanked 20,020 Times in 6,037 Posts
    Rep Power
    7514
    Reputation
    345609

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    fred49au (19-09-19),gulliver (19-09-19),hazman (18-09-19),lsemmens (18-09-19),mkhannah (18-09-19),Tiny (19-09-19)

  • #8683
    Premium Member
    alpha0ne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Mandurah WA
    Age
    63
    Posts
    1,128
    Thanks
    2,467
    Thanked 2,316 Times in 602 Posts
    Rep Power
    1092
    Reputation
    46037

    Default

    The Muslim Book Store:


    So, I was walking through the mall and I saw there was a "Muslim Book Store”. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim book store so I went in. As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me. I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on the U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims"? The clerk said, "#### off, get out, and stay out"! I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback"?

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to alpha0ne For This Useful Post:

    enf (18-09-19),gulliver (19-09-19),hazman (18-09-19),lsemmens (18-09-19),mkhannah (18-09-19),SS Dave (18-09-19)

  • #8684
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    58
    Posts
    1,208
    Thanks
    2,833
    Thanked 1,495 Times in 447 Posts
    Rep Power
    681
    Reputation
    26242

    Default

    The man said to the cockroach "My penis is 10 times longer than your whole body."

    The cockroach replied "That may be true but I make your wife scream 10 times louder than you do."
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (19-09-19),enf (18-09-19),gulliver (19-09-19),hazman (19-09-19),hinekadon (18-09-19),lsemmens (19-09-19),mkhannah (20-09-19),ol' boy (20-09-19),william10 (19-09-19)

  • #8685
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    58
    Posts
    1,208
    Thanks
    2,833
    Thanked 1,495 Times in 447 Posts
    Rep Power
    681
    Reputation
    26242

    Default

    The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the furniture in the house is in place.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (19-09-19),enf (19-09-19),fred49au (20-09-19),gulliver (19-09-19),hazman (19-09-19),hinekadon (19-09-19),lsemmens (19-09-19),mkhannah (20-09-19),Tiny (19-09-19),william10 (19-09-19)

  • #8686
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,286
    Thanks
    4,066
    Thanked 7,150 Times in 1,083 Posts
    Rep Power
    3043
    Reputation
    142904

    Default


  • The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (20-09-19),gulliver (19-09-19),hinekadon (19-09-19),lsemmens (19-09-19),mkhannah (20-09-19),ol' boy (20-09-19),SS Dave (19-09-19),william10 (19-09-19)

  • #8687
    Premium Member
    SS Dave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    North Canberra
    Age
    58
    Posts
    1,208
    Thanks
    2,833
    Thanked 1,495 Times in 447 Posts
    Rep Power
    681
    Reputation
    26242

    Default

    Baby, you remind me of my little toe... Cute, small, and I'm probably going to bang you on my coffee table later tonight
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SS Dave For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (19-09-19),enf (20-09-19),gulliver (20-09-19),hazman (20-09-19),lsemmens (19-09-19),ol' boy (20-09-19)

  • #8688
    Premium Member
    hinekadon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    still above ground level
    Posts
    1,083
    Thanks
    2,602
    Thanked 1,193 Times in 433 Posts
    Rep Power
    493
    Reputation
    21237

    Default

    A paramedic was doing his VDI outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little home made cart with yellow and green squares on.
    The little girl was wearing a green helmet with a blue light on top. The cart was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
    The paramedic walked over to take a closer look.
    "That sure is a nice ambulance", the paramedic said with admiration.
    "Thanks", the girl replied.
    The paramedic looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
    "Little paramedic", the paramedic said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your ambulance, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
    The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
    . Please treat people as you would like to be treated yourself.

  • The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to hinekadon For This Useful Post:

    enf (20-09-19),gulliver (20-09-19),hazman (20-09-19),lsemmens (19-09-19),william10 (19-09-19)

  • #8689
    Do big things!
    Jma's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Somewhere in the darkness...
    Posts
    261
    Thanks
    217
    Thanked 262 Times in 119 Posts
    Rep Power
    192
    Reputation
    5160

    Default

    Always walk a mile in someone's shoes before you criticise them...then you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes

  • The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Jma For This Useful Post:

    enf (20-09-19),gulliver (20-09-19),hazman (20-09-19),lsemmens (19-09-19),mkhannah (20-09-19),ol' boy (20-09-19)

  • #8690
    Premium Member
    hinekadon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Location
    still above ground level
    Posts
    1,083
    Thanks
    2,602
    Thanked 1,193 Times in 433 Posts
    Rep Power
    493
    Reputation
    21237

    Default


    MY DEAR , RELIGION IS LIKE A PENIS
    ITS PERFECTLY FINE FOR ONE TO HAVE AND TO TAKE PRIDE IN ,
    BUT WHEN ONE TAKES IT OUT AND WAVES IT IN MY FACE
    WE HAVE A PROBLEM
    . Please treat people as you would like to be treated yourself.

  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to hinekadon For This Useful Post:

    alpha0ne (20-09-19),enf (20-09-19),hazman (20-09-19),SS Dave (20-09-19)

  • #8691
    Premium Member
    hazman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Lurking at the teakdoor
    Posts
    1,286
    Thanks
    4,066
    Thanked 7,150 Times in 1,083 Posts
    Rep Power
    3043
    Reputation
    142904

    Default


  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to hazman For This Useful Post:

    enf (20-09-19),hinekadon (20-09-19),ol' boy (20-09-19),SS Dave (20-09-19)

  • #8692
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    65
    Posts
    13,784
    Thanks
    12,096
    Thanked 20,020 Times in 6,037 Posts
    Rep Power
    7514
    Reputation
    345609

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    Al Bundy (20-09-19),alpha0ne (20-09-19),gulliver (21-09-19),hazman (21-09-19),mkhannah (20-09-19),ol' boy (20-09-19),SS Dave (20-09-19)

  • #8693
    Grumpy Old Fart
    Al Bundy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Tazzie
    Posts
    3,297
    Thanks
    1,428
    Thanked 3,393 Times in 1,309 Posts
    Rep Power
    1389
    Reputation
    56850

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post
    Sorry mods, but.......f#@k!!!
    Cheers
    Ted (Al)

  • #8694
    Premium Member
    ol' boy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    16,712
    Thanks
    7,622
    Thanked 9,349 Times in 4,750 Posts
    Rep Power
    3941
    Reputation
    162052

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by enf View Post
    Obviously a Sausage Dog
    If u want to go on an expedition get a Land Rover, if u want to come home from an expedition get a Landcruiser!

  • The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ol' boy For This Useful Post:

    hazman (21-09-19),lsemmens (21-09-19)

  • #8695
    Super Moderator
    enf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Canberra
    Age
    65
    Posts
    13,784
    Thanks
    12,096
    Thanked 20,020 Times in 6,037 Posts
    Rep Power
    7514
    Reputation
    345609

    Default

    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

  • The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to enf For This Useful Post:

    gulliver (21-09-19),hazman (21-09-19),lsemmens (21-09-19),SS Dave (21-09-19)

  • Page 435 of 435 FirstFirst ... 335385425426427428429430431432433434435

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •