The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I was recently in Vancouver and decided to learn the Chinese language, so I could understand the check-outs at McDonalds.
My next move is to learn Indian, so I can understand my doctors and the person that answers the phone when I have a warranty problem.
Yep, by the time you read this, you too will be able to understand the 1st line.
"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"... (first line)
In order to continue getting-by in Aussie (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".
With a little patience, you 'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...
The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old Aussie today.......
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I 'd like to order bacon and eggs.."
Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What??"
Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... Pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"
Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I... Don 't think so."
RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don 't know what 'judo wan sahn toes ' means."
RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I 've got it! You were saying 'toast '... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RoomService: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"
RoomService: "Copy..tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that 's everything."
RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy .... Rye ??"
Guest: "Whatever you say.."
RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You 're welcome"
Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS ' ".......and you do, don 't you!
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A six year old boy was at the centre of an Australian courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. In keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised by the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him just like his parents and he refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents. The boy cried and said they also beat him.
Now learning that violence was apparently a way of life for the family, The judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After conferring with the child welfare officials the judge granted temporary custody to the Australian Rugby Union team, whom the boy firmly believes aren’t capable of beating anyone.
"TENJOOBERRYMUDS" above reminds me of this...
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The Manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few moments and said, "Mister Manager, I am ready."
The Manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green green...green green, I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
SCOUSERS JOIN FERRARI** *
*
**"The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."*
*
**This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of
the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ
some Liverpudlian youngsters.*
*The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how
unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less**
** than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing
crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high
tech equipment.*
*
**It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari
management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari
an advantage over** **every other team.*
*
**However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first
practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four
wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed,
re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella,
a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.*
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
MARIJUANA & GAY MARRIAGE
For those who haven't heard, Washington State just passed two laws - legalized gay marriage and legalized marijuana.
The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense, because Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."
We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before now.
Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Children Are Quick
____________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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