Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #10261
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  • #10262
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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The wife says and does the nicest things sometimes.

    Why just this morning she said, "I'm leaving you and taking the kids."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

    Answer: A pick pocket snatches your watch and a peeping tom watches your snatch.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    What's the difference between a policeman's baton and a magician's wand?

    One's used for cunning stunts......

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A recently married man was in his garage working on his Celica.
    His new wife came out and watched him for a few minutes before saying "Now that we are married, you should probably sell that old thing"
    Suddenly the mans face went pale and he looked as tho he was going to be sick.
    "Are you OK ?, whats the matter" asked his wife.
    The man said, "For a moment there you sounded like my Ex-Wife"
    "EX-WIFE" the woman shouted, "You never told me you were married before"
    "I wasn't" he said.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Tough Decision


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  • #10278
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    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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