The story of the haircut
Blessed are those that can give without remembering and take without
forgetting. One day a florist in Ottawa went to a barber for a
haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber
replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service
this week' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the
shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen Tim Horton donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then an MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
MP's lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
As Ronald Reagan said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be
changed often and for the same reason."
If you don't forward this, you have no sense of humor. Nothing bad
will happen, however, you must live with yourself knowing that
laughter is not in your life.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven, don’t step on the ducks!”
They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Well, along comes St Peter with the most unattractive man she’s ever seen. St Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely unattractive man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks.
Then one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He was tall, had long eyelashes and was quite muscular. St Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
The man turns to her and says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
In the pub last night, I asked the barmaid for a schooner of lager.
She left a small but discernible gap at the top of the glass.
me: "Excuse me. Is there room in that for some lime or lemonade?"
"Yes." She replied.
me: "Then how about you fill it with f*cking beer.”
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A young nun went to inform the Mother Superior that she was pregnant.
Mother Superior was furious. She said how did this happen?
The young nun said Reverend Mother It was Father O'Malley from the catholic church up the road, and he lifted his cassock and showed me this thing which looked like a baby's arm holding a plum, and said it was Saint Peter, then he lifted my habit and pointed at my lady thing that looks like a cockerell's chin, and told me that it was the Gates of Heaven, and that Saint Peter needed to come into the gates of heaven to make me a good Christian. And I believed him..
Reverend Mother was furious.
She said the lousy rotten bastard!.. He told me it was the Archangel Gabriel's horn and I have been blowing it every Sunday for 20 years!
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
THEATER SEATS FOR SENIORS
An old man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,
"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The old man didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient.
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly, then asked, "All right, buddy, what's your name?"
"Fred," the old man moaned.
"Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied;
"The balcony".......
Last edited by SS Dave; 13-09-21 at 11:45 AM. Reason: Changed the image
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks