The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I got knocked over by a cyclist today.
It was my own stupid fault though, I was walking on the footpath.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane. After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi says, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replies, "
Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nods in understanding and goes on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi asks the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replies, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asks, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"
The priest says, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nods understandingly. He is silent for about five minutes, and then says,
"Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep...
He awoke before the Pearly Gates...
St Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph"...
Ralph was stunned, "I'm dead...? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back"...
St Peter said, "Hmm, perhaps that could be arranged. It does involves a lot of paperwork but sure. You've got two alternatives, you can come back as a fish or as a hen"...
Ralph never liked swimming, and thought that perhaps being a hen wouldn't be that bad after all. Walking around pecking at the ground, no stress, and if the local rooster was nice then perhaps it could be a comfortable existence...
Ralph replied, "Okay, then I choose to be a hen"...
The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground...
A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, eh...? How's your first day here"...?
"Not bad" replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode"...
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster...
"Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before"...?
"Never" said Ralph...
"Well, just cluck twice and then push"...
Ralph clucked twice and pushed, and voila, out popped an egg...
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time. He then clucked twice, pushed, and out came another egg. His joy was overwhelming...
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting the bed
Think about it - every single climbers corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person.
Be safe...stay lazy!
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I asked my wife if I would be cremated?
She replied, put it this way you bury treasure and you burn rubbish
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
A Russian comes home after a long trip off the grid in Siberia and hears the news that Russia is at war. He asks another Russian what is going on, and he tells him:
"We are at war with NATO!"
"Oh wow, how many troops have been lost?"
"Well, we have lost 45 000 troops, almost 2000 tanks, a thousand artillery pieces, several hundred helicopters and aircraft, and the Moskva was sunk.
"And NATO?"
"NATO hasn't showed up yet."
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Caught my wife putting on those sexy lingerie underwear that I bought her for our last anniversary!
You all know what that means don't ya?
Yep, must be laundry day!!!!
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
The wife left me for my best friend.
Well ... not QUITE. Actually he was a complete stranger at the time.
But f*ck! He's my best friend now.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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