Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #11941
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11942
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    ...FFS..... ebay sellers...

    me:
    Hello, what size is DC input jack?

    seller:
    Hi customer, Greetings, do you mean the size of whole module? It is 2.50cm*2.30cm*1.00cm

    me:
    Hello, No, what is the size of the DC barrel jack? Search ebay for 'dc barrel jack' and you'll see what I mean.
    What is the OD of the DC barrel plug the jack will accept, and what is the center pin dimension of the jack itself?

    seller:
    Hi customer, Greetings, you can send the price not much less then the selling price, normally our sales will choose the best offer from all the buyer.. thanks


    ...lol...where do I go next? Ask if it's men's or women's sizes? =)

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  • #11943
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    Interviewer: "Describe yourself in three words."

    Me: "Lazy..."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11944
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    A lot of monkeys lived near a village.
    One day a merchant came to the village to buy the monkeys.
    He announced that he would buy the monkeys for £100 each.
    The villagers thought he was mad.
    They thought how can somebody buy stray monkeys for £100 each?
    Still, some people caught a few monkeys and gave them to the merchant and he gave them £100 for each monkey.
    This news spread like wildfire and more people caught more monkeys to sell to the merchant.
    After a few days, the merchant announced that he would buy monkeys for £200 each.
    Even the lazy villagers now ran around to catch the remaining monkeys and sold them for £200 each.
    Then the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys for £500 each.
    The villagers started to lose sleep! They caught six or seven monkeys, which was all that was left, and got £500 for each one.
    The villagers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement.
    Then the merchant said he was going home for a week and when he returned he would buy monkeys for £1,000 each.
    He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys he bought.
    The merchant went home and the villagers were very sad as there were no more monkeys left for them to sell at £1,000 each.
    Then the employee told them he will secretly sell them monkeys for £700 each.
    This news spread like wildfire. Since the merchant will buy monkeys for £1,000 each, there is a £300 profit for each monkey.
    The next day the villagers made a queue near the monkey cage.
    The employee sold all the monkeys for £700 each. The rich bought monkeys in big lots. The poor borrowed money from money lenders and also bought monkeys.
    The villagers took care of the monkeys and waited for the merchant to return.
    But nobody came.
    They ran to the employee.
    But he had already left too.
    The villagers then realised that they had bought the useless stray monkeys for £700 each and were unable to sell them.
    Which all sounds very similar to Bitcoin. If the price goes up what can you do with Bitcoins other than sell them to someone else who thinks they will go up in price even more? And what do you do with your Bitcoins when they fall in value…?
    I don’t know, but just like the villagers trading monkeys, Bitcoin will bankrupt a lot of people and make a few people filthy rich.
    Cheers, Tiny
    "You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can't make them think? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
    The information is out there; you just have to let it in."

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  • #11945
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11947
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11948
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11949
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  • #11950
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    As the young barista gave me my change, I said...

    "Thank you young man."

    He snapped back.."Did you just assume my gender? I'll have you know I've just recently transitioned."

    "Oh! I'm sorry."I Said" I had no idea. In that case..Thank you, you young attention seeking deadsh!t."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11951
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    Why are women evacuated first in a disaster?

    So men can think of a solution in silence.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11952
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11955
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    AustPost tracking at it's best.... ...start at the bottom (reversed chronology)


    15 Dec 2022
    12:37am

    PROCESSED THROUGH AUSTRALIA POST FACILITY
    YATALA, QLD


    15 Dec 2022

    12:18am

    TRANSFERRED
    REDBANK, QLD


    15 Dec 2022
    12:02am

    TRANSFERRED
    WOODRIDGE, QLD


    14 Dec 2022
    11:49pm

    PROCESSED THROUGH AUSTRALIA POST FACILITY
    WOODRIDGE, QLD


    14 Dec 2022
    11:15pm

    TRANSFERRED
    CAPALABA, QLD


    14 Dec 2022
    11:07pm

    PROCESSED THROUGH AUSTRALIA POST FACILITY
    CAPALABA, QLD


    14 Dec 2022
    5:24am

    ITEM PROCESSED AT POST FACILITY
    REDBANK, QLD


    12 Dec 2022
    5:49am

    PROCESSED THROUGH AUSTRALIA POST FACILITY
    CRESTMEAD, QLD


    9 Dec 2022
    9:42pm

    PROCESSED THROUGH AUSTRALIA POST FACILITY
    HEATHWOOD, QLD


    9 Dec 2022
    5:54pm

    TRANSFERRED
    REDBANK, QLD


    9 Dec 2022
    12:08pm

    Delivered to Local Facility



    4 Dec 2022
    12:35am

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  • #11956
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    I know I’m not meant to comment, but my head is spinning, talk about a merry-go-round🤦🤦🤦
    Cheers
    Ted (Al)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Al Bundy View Post
    I know I’m not meant to comment, but my head is spinning, talk about a merry-go-round🤦🤦🤦
    You're risking a kick in the gonads doing that, but to ablate your sin, it made me think of this map view, to recount this package's journey thus far...


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  • #11958
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    Al, wotnot...stick to the rules please...

    Quote Originally Posted by Al Bundy View Post
    I know I’m not meant to comment, but my head is spinning, talk about a merry-go-round🤦🤦🤦
    You oughta know better


    Quote Originally Posted by wotnot View Post
    You're risking a kick in the gonads doing that, but to ablate your sin, it made me think of this map view, to recount this package's journey thus far...
    That map IS funny........
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • #11959
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    Cheers, Tiny
    "You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can't make them think? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
    The information is out there; you just have to let it in."

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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