The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
[COLOR=var(--secondary-text)][/COLOR]Ole and Lena were out walking when Lena clutched her heart and fell to the sidewalk. Ole got out his cell phone and called 911.
The operator said "Where are you?"
Ole answered,
"Vee were valking and Lena is on the sidewalk on Eucalyptus Street."
The operator asked, "How do you spell that street?"
The phone seemed to go dead.
The operator kept shouting for Ole. She could hear him panting.
He finally came back on line and said,
"I dragged her over to Oak Street.
Dats O-A-K."
Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.
The two lads strongly objected. "Last year vee shot six and the pilot let us put dem all on board, and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six moose were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after takeoff.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one Norski asked the other, "Any idea vere vee are?"
"Yaaah, I tink vee's pretty close to where vee crashed last year.
Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"
"Just a minute," said the busy clerk.
"Vell," said Lena,
'If it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."
Lars, the waiter, asked Ole,
"Do ya know da difference between a Norwegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," answered Ole.
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely, he grumbled,
"Vell, dere goes five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance."
Lars:
"Ole, stand in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working,"
Ole:
"Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
Ole died. So Lena went to the local newspaper to put a notice in the obituaries. The man at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied,
"You yust put 'Ole died.'"
The man, somewhat perplexed, asked, "That's it? Just 'Ole died? Surely there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "OK, you put
'Ole died. Boat for sale."
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.
"Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly.
"No," replied Lars.
"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed. "I took yust vun bite and vent blind!"
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars asked Ole how she was going with it.
"Oh," said Ole,
"I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come?"
Lars asked.
"Vell," Ole answered, "Because vit a clarinet she cannot sing.
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The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Become a Premium Member and support the Austech Forum
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
A guy comes home from work completely distraught.
"I got fired today."
Wife "Oh my god! What are we going to do? What did you do to get fired?"
"I stuck my dick in the document shredder. I couldn't help it."
Wife "Oh jesus...wha?..f*ck! The shredder must have been a real mess.
"F*ck yeah! She got fired too."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
207 killed in Indian train crash..
And they haven't even looked inside yet.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Become a Premium Member and support the Austech Forum
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
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