Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #11261
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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    When scammers get it wrong...


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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Please consider Premium Membership. Without Premium Member contributions Austech cannot operate.

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    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    *** HELP Advice needed!!***

    My kids keeps finding the Christmas presents that I have hidden around the house... someone suggested I put them up in the attic, so I did that last night.... I literally got no sleep coz all I could hear was them crying and moaning about spiders, the dark and wanting to be let down 🙄🙄 any other suggestions please?

    Merry Christmas
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
    The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
    The local paper read:
    PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
    The next day the local paper headline read:
    BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

    This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
    The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
    NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

    The Bishop fainted.
    He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
    The next day the paper read:
    NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

    This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
    The next day the headlines read:
    NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

    The Bishop was buried the next day.

    The moral of the story is . . .
    Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!!
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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  • 23-12-21, 07:05 PM

    Reason
    Duplicate... only posted 6 posts ago... you thanked the OP :)

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