Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #11201
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Using Capital Letters.....

    …..and proper grammar.
    From a teacher -- short and to the point.

    Capital Letters?
    Who uses them anymore?

    A teacher’s explanation…..
    In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and e-mails have long forgotten the art of capital letters.
    For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
    "Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”

    Are we clear???

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    .

    usages.kangaroos.sound
    FTTN, 400m line length, bit faster now with extra 50/20 connection.....


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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

    “What are you doing?” she asked.

    “Hunting flies,” he responded.

    “Oh. Killing any?” she asked.

    “Yep, three males, two females,” he replied.

    Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell their gender?”

    He responded, “Well, three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.”

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    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

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    And here’s the story why there are sometimes little angels on top of Christmas trees:

    Santa was having a bad day.

    Like, really bad.

    Rudolph called in sick, the presents still had to be loaded, Mrs. Santa was nagging all the time -

    and then this little angel carrying this huge Christmas tree asked him “Hey dude, where should I put this?”

    And since that day there sometimes are little angels on top of Christmas trees.
    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Olaf the Viking is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears.
    "What's the matter?" asks Olaf.
    "Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the frozen puddings but, as you can see, there are three steps down into the chiller cabinets."
    "No problem," says Olaf, lifting her onto his back. "I'll take you."
    Olaf strolls through the chiller cabinets with the old lady on his back. She selects several puddings and puts them in the basket he is carrying for her.
    At the other end the old lady's husband is waiting with her wheelchair.
    "I'd really like to thank you," says the old lady as Olaf sets her back down in the chair, "but I don't even know who you are!"
    Olaf just waves and walks off.
    "I was really worried about you," comments the old lady's husband. "What have you been doing?"
    " I've been through the desserts on a Norse with no name."

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