Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

    She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
    A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

    As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

    Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
    To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

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    Two kids talking:
    Polly: “Does your grandmother read the Bible?”
    Elaine: “Sure does. Day and night.”
    Polly: “But why does she read it so much?”
    Elaine: “I guess she’s cramming for her finals.”

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    Me. " I want to divorce my wife."
    Lawyer. "On what grounds?"
    Me. "She's out all night, every night, going from bar to bar."
    Lawyer. "Is she an alcoholic or do you think she might be cheating?"
    Me. "No, she's looking for me."
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    “I knew a guy who had one hand bigger than the other and they call him " The Clock".”


    “Had a teacher with a twitch in his eye he was known as indicator.”


    “A lad from up the coast called Gerry had heart surgery and they nicknamed him “ Gerry and the Pacemaker”.”


    “A pub I once worked in had a local called "Joe Malone " when his wife died he became "Home Alone”.”


    “I know a lad in Lybster. He's tall and thin so they call him 6 O'clock”


    “Knew a lad once who got engaged 3 times. He was known as Lord of the Rings”


    “Heard of a lad called "pothole " everyone used to try and avoid him”


    “Heard of a lad called Enda May. People just called him June!”


    “Know a lad that went to Australia on a years visa and was back a week later!! Called him boomerang”


    “Lad in town here known as “Bomb Scare” as soon as he comes in the pub empties...”


    “Guy in our school, Peter, was held back a year for failing all his exams. He became known as RE-Peter”


    “Heard of a guy that used to wear the same coat all the time so his friends called him Dulux...cos he only needed one coat”


    “I knew a lad that had only 4 fingers on one hand he was called kit kat”


    “Our local drug dealer delivers so quick - we call him instagram”

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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