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Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. 08-09-23, 06:33 AM #12341
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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  • 08-09-23, 08:42 AM #12342
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    One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!



    The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.



    "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.



    "Why, yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”



    The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot; are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?”



    The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week.”



    The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”



    "He is a veterinarian," she answered.



    "That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?”



    The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada…



    He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”
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  • 09-09-23, 11:34 AM #12343
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  • 13-09-23, 12:05 AM #12344
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  • 13-09-23, 12:06 AM #12345
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  • 13-09-23, 12:07 AM #12346
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  • 13-09-23, 09:56 AM #12347
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  • 13-09-23, 09:57 AM #12348
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  • 13-09-23, 11:54 AM #12349
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  • 13-09-23, 05:13 PM #12350
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  • 13-09-23, 05:15 PM #12351
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  • 14-09-23, 03:02 PM #12352
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  • 16-09-23, 07:18 AM #12353
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  • 19-09-23, 05:58 PM #12354
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  • 20-09-23, 01:09 AM #12355
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    Guard duty

    A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.

    He went over there and asked them why they guard it.

    "We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"

    He searched for the last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards on this particular bench.

    "I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition."

    Going back another 3 commanders, he found a new 100-year-old retired General.

    "Excuse me, sir. I'm now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. I've found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me more about the bench?"

    "What?! Is the paint still wet?!"
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  • 20-09-23, 08:18 AM #12356
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  • 20-09-23, 06:49 PM #12357
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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
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  • 22-09-23, 08:41 AM #12358
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  • 22-09-23, 10:57 PM #12359
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  • 22-09-23, 10:59 PM #12360
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    Best photo bomb ever!

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