Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

  1. #11281
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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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  • #11282
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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    An elderly couple in their 80’s were going to Florida. At the border,

    the customs officer asked where are they going. The wife says “What

    did he says.” The husband turns to his wife and says the officer wants

    to know where are we going. He tells the officer that they are going to

    Florida. Then the officer asks how long they were going to Florida for.

    The wife again ask “What did he say.” The husband turns to his

    wife and says the officer wants to know how long are we going to

    Florida for. The husband tells the officer that they were going for two

    months.

    The custom officer then asks where were they coming from.

    The wife says, “What did he says” The husband turns to his wife and says

    the custom officer wants to know where we are coming from.

    The husband tells the officer that they are coming from “Saskatoon.”

    The custom officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that

    that he had once dated a lady from Saskatoon and she was the

    worst sex he ever had.

    The wife says, “What did he say.” The husband turns to his wife

    and says. “He thinks he knows you.”

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  • #11285
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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Please consider Premium Membership. Without Premium Member contributions Austech cannot operate.

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    Please consider Premium Membership. Without Premium Member contributions Austech cannot operate.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    THE BOXING DAY POO

    You sit upon the toilet
    With everything prepared
    You're feeling quite excited but
    A little bloody scared!

    That huge amount of Christmas nosh
    Has turned into a log
    And now the fateful time has come
    To flush it down the bog!

    But first you must expel the beast
    And so you start to strain,
    You bite down on a piece of wood
    To take away the pain

    But oh my god, its bloody huge
    It's like you're giving birth!
    You sweat and push and swear and shake
    and strain for all your worth.

    And then that magic moment comes,
    That fills your soul with cheer,
    A turd the size of King Kongs arm
    Emerges from your rear.

    And like a bomb it hits the pan
    Thus lightening your mood,
    And making room inside your guts
    For lots more Christmas food!
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    Some experts are claiming that watching porn is bad for your sex life.

    Those experts are called women...
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    BEWARE!!!

    There is a new type of Herpes going round.
    It is called Hessian Herpes.
    You get it from F***ing old bags.

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    Did you know that Helen Keller had a playground in her back yard?

    Yeah, neither did she.

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