Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    A good-looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.



    The agent asked, "What's your name?



    The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."



    The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."



    "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever!"



    The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years and you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."



    "So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said, and he left the agent's office.



    FIVE YEARS LATER ... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck. ...... who would possibly send him $50,000?

    He reads the letter enclosed.



    Dear Sir:

    Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, You told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.



    After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.



    Thank you for your advice.



    Sincerely,

    Dick van Dyke

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    .

    usages.kangaroos.sound
    FTTN, 400m line length, bit faster now with 2x100/20 connection via load balancing.....


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    Thought for the day:

    Golf ball-sized hail wouldn't be nearly as destructive if golf balls were just made smaller.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The wife: “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Wife: "Absolutely!!"
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    (This is a quote from U.S senator John Kennedy talking about Joe Biden)

    "If Aliens landed tomorrow and said take me to your leader .... it would be embarrassing"
    Become a Premium Member and support the Austech Forum

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    Antivaxxer Meatloaf dies after serious complications from Covid 19.

    Truly killed by a bat out of hell.
    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    (courtesy lsemmens)


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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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    So apparently, they've discontinued making Solvol soap bars...


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    Cheers, Tiny
    "You can lead a person to knowledge, but you can't make them think? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
    The information is out there; you just have to let it in."

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    Parachute club


    Yesterday, my daughter emailed me, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

    "Like sitting around the pool, drinking wine isn't a good thing?" I asked

    Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She is "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellas.

    So, I did and when I got home, I decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an email saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.

    She replied, "Are you nuts? You're 80-years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

    I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

    Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled; "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

    “Oh man, am I in trouble?" I said; "I signed up and prepaid for five jumps a week!

    The line went dead.


    Life as a Senior Citizen may not be getting any easier; but it can be fun.

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    The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.

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