The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
I saw a woman crying at ALDI the other day.....
So I stopped and asked what was wrong? Through the sobs, she said that she was due to go on holiday, but all the money she had been saving for months was missing.
Feeling sorry for her, I decided to give her $50 to try and help a bit.
It's not something I'd normally do, but I'd just found $2,000 in the car park, so what the hell.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
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The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Death smiles at everyone. Grumpy old men smile back.
Please consider Premium Membership. Without Premium Member contributions Austech cannot operate.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbours claim that I've violated the Neighbourhood Bye-Laws by building the Ark in my
back garden and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money
for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive,
and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Australian Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building gang."
"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
" The Government beat me to it."
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
What's four feet wide, sits at the side of the road and waits for an arsehole to come along?
A cycle path.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
The fact that there's a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic flow.
Virgin Bride on Her 4th Wedding -
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop and told the salesclerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Of course, madam", replied the sales clerk, "Exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."
"WELL!" replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride".
"You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he had a heart attack due to an unknown congenital condition as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel."
"My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.
"That one was a Liberal ", said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened".
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