The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

**mtv** · 13-09-21, 09:25 PM

**shred** · 13-09-21, 09:48 PM

^^^^

Seen on a bumper sticker: “PETA = People Eat Tasty Animals”

**enf** · 13-09-21, 10:42 PM

**NoAIR** · 14-09-21, 12:36 AM

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

**enf** · 14-09-21, 12:52 PM

**enf** · 15-09-21, 02:22 PM

**enf** · 16-09-21, 06:30 AM

In Louisiana, USA, authorities have captured a 500 lb alligator suspected of eating a local man.

Before the incident, it was a 100 lb alligator.

**SS Dave** · 16-09-21, 08:21 AM

**SS Dave** · 16-09-21, 08:22 AM

**enf** · 16-09-21, 11:13 AM

**mtv** · 16-09-21, 05:12 PM

**mtv** · 16-09-21, 05:18 PM

**mtv** · 16-09-21, 08:11 PM

**SS Dave** · 17-09-21, 10:09 AM

**enf** · 17-09-21, 11:20 AM

The girlfriend phone index....

2+ missed calls in one minute = psychopath
2+ missed calls in 30 minutes = control freak
2 max missed calls per 1 hour = borderline acceptable
2 missed calls all day = she's the one!
1 missed call until you reply - perfect!

0 missed calls = she's shagging someone else!

**OSIRUS** · 17-09-21, 01:38 PM

**OSIRUS** · 17-09-21, 01:40 PM

**OSIRUS** · 17-09-21, 01:47 PM

**SS Dave** · 18-09-21, 06:23 AM

My wife who is an English teacher, doesn't like my use of the colon during sex.

**hazman** · 18-09-21, 11:32 AM

Thread: The Joke thread - Some jokes may offend, read at own risk. Jokes only, no comments.

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