darwin awards released

[iwacelect]

In case you don't know the Darwin Awards are an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the nominees this year, in reverse order, are: ..........

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home dead of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 30" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was, for reasons unknown, inserted into his rectum and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER.....(ouch....)

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.

Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his balls in the machine.

Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's balls in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for him, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and his balls were the weakest link. Sanchez's balls ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.
But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.

[roguefan99]

The last one should be an honorable mention.

The scary thing about number 2 is that it didn't really suprise me. I've seen stupid people like that with chemicals at work here (eg "TOXIC VAPOURS" and they use it at a bench next to a fume extraction cabinet).

[wallaroo]

Do some bloody work iwac instead of surfing the net. See pm.

[iwacelect]

The last one should be an honorable mention.

The scary thing about number 2 is that it didn't really suprise me. I've seen stupid people like that with chemicals at work here (eg "TOXIC VAPOURS" and they use it at a bench next to a fume extraction cabinet).

geez rogue, keep your head down

[roguefan99]

I've actually moved labs because of it! (as well as office when someone brought carcinogens into the office and put them on my desk) I now have a restricted lab (legally, called PC2) and because it has my name on the door I can choose who I want to come in and who I dont. So guess what, you breach my safety I kick you out!

I actually walked in the lab that day and spun around and walked back out.

[Oscar]

Tony doing all the repair work today??
Ha ha

[iwacelect]

Tony doing all the repair work today??
Ha ha

now, now, no i've got an mx-2 driving me nuts, and i dont mean like a steering wheel down the front of the pants way

[Padre]

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

((Thats wht the cold weather does to you... ))

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home dead of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 30" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was, for reasons unknown, inserted into his rectum and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

((Now this one ... what can one say... ? maybe the cops shoudl have jsut showed the pictures t o the family..
But what I wan to know is who discovered the body... ))

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

((U sure they were mooning, or was it a mile high 3some gone bad? ))

4. A 22-year-old, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.

((times like this you need a tape measure hey.. ))

Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

((Major trauma?? U reckon?? ))

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized

((no no.. they werent playing catch.. they were practicing their maraca throws.. without the rattle, it means nothing.. sadly theyre maracas were confiscated when they entered US soil as the beans were considered a food product... they had no choie but to mes with the snakess.... makes u wonder why they didnt jstu fill a bottle with rocks... lol))

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak.

((Did u knwo that gas doesnt actually smell? They put it there so u knwo if there is a leak.. ))

Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.

((Anywhere else id say this was a crock.. but only in america...))

Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

((So they entrust their lives with hiim... how "bright" are his peers... id say his partner that day was ultrabright after being ignited like this.. LOL ))

AND THE WINNER.....(ouch....)

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.

Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his balls in the machine.

Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's balls in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for him, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and his balls were the weakest link. Sanchez's balls ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.
But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.

((now... can i ask.. does anyoen have any medical or phtographic evidence of these events??

These just seem a lil too out there to be real... I could be wron consideirng this IS refering to events in America, but i dont know..

[mandc]

Strange how a lot of these awards get recycled


There it lists our ball cleaning friend, the rattlesnake thrower, the vomiting petrol drinker, gas mask boy etc....all from 2002

[anyone]

this stuff reminds me of an old neighbour, blew himself an his missus up welding a bracket to his acetylene bottle, i was in the pub at the time an when i was told i shouted the bar, needles to say we werent on friendly terms

[RHCP]

Am i the only one who thinks No. 1 isn't that bad? Could happen to anybody

After a few drinks i would have been laughing my ass off......it was his idiot friend who did the damage. Though i wouldn't let my friends crank-it if it were my balls being washed

Cheers, RHCP.

[global88]

Years ago (20+ i think) there was a news report one night about a service station worker getting into a dispute with a tanker driver over not putting all the fuel into his service station tanks and ripping him off.
The tanker driver offered the service station worker to climb on top of his tanker and open the top cover to have a look for himself.
He did but couldnt see inside the dark tank, so reached into his pocket and pulled out his lighter....you can work out the rest.
Apparently took his head clean off.

[viper5150]

Strange how a lot of these awards get recycled


There it lists our ball cleaning friend, the rattlesnake thrower, the vomiting petrol drinker, gas mask boy etc....all from 2002

I think it just goes to show that stupidity goes hand in hand with the phrase,"history repeats". Either that or if it is on the net then it must be true.

[xnavyman]

2007 awards here