Dealing with suicide (attempted or otherwise)

[wotnot]

Bit of a macabre topic, but I learnt decades ago that it's best to talk about it ~ and I wouldn't be typing this except I've had a shit of a Wednesday morning dealing with it.

Decades ago?...yeah sure...

1974 ~ uncle topped himself after returning from the Vietnam war (PTSD) ~ blew his head clean off with both barrels of a 12gauge scatter-gun...
1978 ~ best mate found dead in his car, hose leading from exhaust pipe into cabin ~ two coppers and myself thought it wasn't suicide, but for lack of evidence to the contrary, that's how the coroner reported it...
1982 ~ my sister, on her 21st birthday, emptied a mower can full of petrol over herself, and lit the match (depression) ~ with 97% third degree burns, she died 2weeks later of septicemia (I was interstate at the time)...
1984 ~ close friend died of heroin overdose, didn't have a death wish really, but a strong batch of smak had hit the streets of Sydney, so guess is she mixed up a shot 'as usual', but the stuff was 10fold more potent than expected...
1995 ~ another close friend, put his car over a cliff and died on site ~ suicide note in his pocket told the story (didn't want to keep living after wife died 6months earlier)
2018 ~ ex-partner and mother of our children (heroin overdose) ~ exactly why I was estranged from her, she wouldn't give up the pick ~ she'd told me back in the 89's, this would be her preferred way to die, sitting in a corner all happy & warm, 'nodding off' forever...
2020 ~ good friend in town, sitting in a closed up 1car garage, listening to the engine he built, glass of bourbon to his left, suicide note to the right... disputes with ex and child custody...

...today ; wake up late as usual, notice housemate's bedroom door shut, but don't think anything of it because I knew he had a court hearing this morning, and figured he'd already got his son to give him a lift in, as his car was still here... an hour passes... I hear the hpone answering machine go off, and hear his wig leaving a message of "I'm at court, where are you? ETA please"....and my brain does a backflip as I head down the corridor to his room..."Is he still in bed? FFS... magistrates get really pissed if you keep them waiting". knock on his door thrice, pause by the right 1, 2, ...open the door. There he is, flat on his back atop the bed, with a breathing mask attached to his face, tube leading down to a 'D' cylinder of gas, with regulator and some apparatus beside it sitting on a chair...my first obs are his skin colour is good, so he's not dead...too much partying perhaps?...last chance binge before court?....




...human brain is a great computer...in milliseconds it'd identified "I'd seen this before"...but the anomaly was the gas cylinder colour...ie; plain grey is nitrogen, plain grey with painted black upper ring is nitrous oxide ..which is where I'd seen this before, back in the 70's at nitrous house parties...don the mask, dial in a time, chillout without the need to turn off the supply when one was no longer capable of doing so (off in lalaland)...good safety measure..I'd seen such parties with 2 or 3 'G' cylinders of N20 setup in the corner...I recall at least one incidence of an explosion....anyhow, given all this my first question us "Are you alright?" (Thufir Hawat voice) ..drawing closer, he says "Call ambulance" ...more obs (he's breathing normally, colour is good, coherent and responsive, can't hear any gas flowing, quick glance at regulator dials...cylinder is empty..."Right, on it"...hear out the room down the corridor to get reception, dial 000, got to ambulance explain situation, get instructed on the SOP here, paramedics dispatched...

...frigging big #respect for the QAS again here ~ got here in around 10mins (their station is 16km distant) ~ one ambo had been here before when I got bitten (twice =) by the red belly blacksnake, so we were well acquainted... the other 2 paramedics headed in to attend my housemate, ambo I knew playing comms/gopher/liaison role... he heads off to check the situation, quickly returns saying to me "He's tried to kill himself!" ..and I'm looking at him..."I know you're not kidding me, what makes you say that?"...and he replies "He left a note on his desk..", and I'd suddenly like "Oh, FFS..", let him continue with his duties..ie; stay out of the way =) One of the paras told me he said "failed nitrogen affiliation" ..??...they do an ECG and determine he's good to transport, then dazed & confused he hobbles out with his walking-stick, loaded onto the gurney, and being loaded up for a trip to Logan Hosp. (some would say that hospital is a bit of a trip anyway =), he motions me over to whisper to me he's left a note in my food cupboard. Before they drive off, old'mate ambo drills me with the next bit of SOP...

...due to the circumstances of an industrial gas being involved, they have to call in the QFS (fire service) to secure the scene, ensuring it's safe and there's no human threat. He then tells me, they'd also found a bag of potassium chloride which he'd used to make up a drink, as a backup plan should the nitrogen asphyxiation fail. Further, because they'd noticed evidence of firearm usage (a few empty 12gauge shells, some used .22 & .303 brass), the QPS (coppers) also had to be called in, to search and document the room (take lots of digital photos), and so he's closing the room door, knowing I won't go in there, just in case this event isn't concluded. When I asked about that protocol, he explained that maybe the patient had ingested the potassium chloride somehow that it took time for the parcel to be released, and they weren't in a position to properly conclude that hadn't happened...ie; the movement of the transport causing whatever to burst and patient has heart attack scenario...

....around a half hours later, a QFS fire-engine turns up...10mins later, another. The first crew gets 2 members suited up in environment protection suits with breather tanks, enter the room and declare it safe. Two senior officers check out the room, send in the photographic evidence collectors(s) Everyone's sitting around doing nothing, chatting, the Isuzu on high-idle, waiting for the QPS to get there, so they can hand off the site to the coppers. Once that's done, the trucks & crews leave, and the 2 QPS offices go about their search and documentation of the scene, The copper explains to me that I'm pretty much stuck with them hanging around, until the QAS advices the QPS that the patient is now in the hands of the QHS, and is stable and unlikely to die. Took about another 45 mins or so before that happened...we sat around chatting, admiring the view...pretty good panoramic across the valley mouths.

So I've had 'one of those' mornings, a blue monday event, on a Wednesday. Eventually they'll send him home I guess ~ attempting suicide is not an offense. Apparently, the driving force here, was my housemate convincing himself 150%, that this morning's magistrate's hearing (sentencing) would see him serving time in a correctional facility,...and rather than face that, this instead. The stupid thing about that, as one of the coppers checked out while we were waiting, is the sentencing guidelines for the particular offense he was facing, would likely have been a suspended sentence & bod for period of good behavior...sigh....

...this all said...there is still the possibility that this was an elaborate rouse. The only motive would be, to 'stick it to the man'. You see how I write, yeah? Back in the day, demanding that you wished to type out a statement (typewriter), was a thing done to deliberately wait the police officer's time. It could be the same premise...how should I say this...'how to piss a magistrate off, and get away with it' ..'how to engage govt. services, to aid & give you reasonable excuse for court absence'..'how to totally throw a spanner in the legal works, just to delay inevitable sentencing....which now might be affected by the fact of the suicide attempt'.....I cannot dismiss this thought...it would not be out of character for him to go all Romulan, just to stick it to the man. The is me saying, I'm pretty sure that mask, and his big bushy beard, form a seal nowhere near good enough to asphyxiate ; he knows this 'coz long ago they wanted to shave his beard for better mask fit during a procedure, but he refused.

Thought I'd take a few moments to share ~ 'extraordinary events' ...both good and bad... are what they are =)

PS: I'm fine btw, if that's not immediately obvious

[mtv]

Geez mate!!!

So sorry for all your losses.

I've experienced a couple in my time, but nothing compared what you've endured.

Hopefully your housemate recovers fully and sorts out his life going forward.

Thank you for sharing with us. Yes... it's good to talk about these things.

Take care of yourself, mate!

[enf]

geeeez...dunno what to say. My kids have had friends top themselves (friends that I knew) and it always makes me wonder what is going on in their heads...

Hope it all works out...

[Reschs]

Geez with that history, being associated with you is dangerous.

Seriously though, sorry for your loss of family and friends.

[efab]

and some people say they have it hard.

I know I have days but you win the trophy, not that it is one that anyone should win.
Hope things get better and being able to talk to someone is hard but it does help best wishes for the future

[enf]

Geez with that history, being associated with you is dangerous.

.......................

Thanks Reschs. I was going to say something similar but I didn't....

[Uncle Fester]

Glad to hear you are OK.
...but I am concerned you might have to deal with this again.

The stupid thing about that, as one of the coppers checked out while we were waiting, is the sentencing guidelines for the particular offense he was facing, would likely have been a suspended sentence & bod for period of good behavior...sigh....

It is sooooooo...... important that people INFORM themselves before they attend court.
Did he go to legal aid or whatever the equivalent is in QLD?
I assume not as they would have told him about the likely outcome.

I know very well from personal experience what this is like, the anxiety, the stress and the consequences.
Our nasty psycho neighbour filed a vexatious AVO application against my wife !!
She has never done any wrong.
This neighbour however has been tormenting us, mainly my wife for almost seven years.
We have an ongoing AVO against him which he has beached twice, amongst other things, death threats against my wife because she is Asian.

Between him filing the application and the final hearing took over nine months and all this time my wife was suffering from depression and expressed too often the wish to kill herself because of being wrongly accused and thinking this lying bastard would win and then with more lies have her convicted for non existent breaches and sent to jail.

All my talk and info initially helped nothing. She wanted to move away, from our house that we built and worked all my life for to live in this beautiful area and we got into heavy arguments and threats of divorce.
I sold shares(which are my only source of income) so we could afford a barrister and lawyer because I felt I was emotionally too involved to represent her in court, as well as the issues with my SAD and ASD.
Despite knowledge of the professional representation she remained irrational and our life was turned upside down. Hardly a proper night's sleep with endless overthinking driving my wife crazy despite the antidepressants, although they did help me sleep a bit and sometimes keep a clear head.

Of course the neighbour lost the case. Both the magistrate and our barrister praised the compelling evidence and statements I compiled and the lack of admissible evidence from the complainant who behaved like an utter dick in court that lead to a 3 hour hearing.

But most importantly it was my wife who was all of a sudden an absolute rocket in the witness stand when the psycho cross examined her, it seemed more like she was cross examining him.
Even I felt good in the witness stand, despite my SAD. Having important people listen to you and getting your say is empowering.

So Wotnot, tell our experience to your house mate next time he as to attend court. Inform himself, stand up and stop feeling sorry for himself.

[enf]

Depression, whatever the cause, is an awful thing. I'm not a sufferer (don't think so anyway) but my wife was for many years. It was hard.

She is pretty good now, although the kids and I keep an eye on things as it's always there if even in the background. Like she is suspended over the pit. The drugs almost killed her so she's off them...

Fester, I find your statement about your wifes performance in court interesting. When mine had cancer, she was like a rock all of a sudden....up for the challenge in every way. Totally positive.

[lsemmens]

I feel for you Wotnot, Sadly I'm not close enough to have a coldie with you just so you can chill for a time.

[wotnot]

Thanks to all for the warm words ..@Reschs ..lol, at the time I remarked to self 'gawd, that's gunna look like I'm cursed!'... =)

Did he go to legal aid or whatever the equivalent is in QLD?

Indeed...but the problem there is, he doesn't trust legal aid solicitors, at all ...he thinks they are that, because they're not good enough to make it in the real world as a solicitor. He believes .. and I do stress that word, that legal aid solicitors do minimum required to get paid, and the outcome for the defendant is not a factor in their performance ...however ...old'mate is so mired in 'old way thinking', it would be for most a character type that defies 'proper thinking'...because it does. For example, parallel narrative, apparently on the morning, he'd scheduled an email to be sent to his solicitor, explaining what he'd done & why he wasn't there....which of course she never got, 'coz as I explained to him, in modern times if you need to contact your wig, especially on court day, use mobilephone/SMS ...but.... that reality is 'invalid input' to him, because he refuses to own a mobile phone because they can track you...(don't worry, believe me I've tried)..he won't pay by card, nor use an ATM..he will instead go to the bank counter and withdraw cash to spend. I actually touched on this above, the anesthetist wanting to shave off his beard for the mask...he dug his heels in on that, they had to reschedule twice, but they never shaved his beard. Suffice it to say that anything you thought might apply to to 'average, normal' ppl, really don't apply here =)

Let us hope this is the last installment, however I know that's an absolute folly to entertain ; one hopes for the best, yeh? Of course, magistrate did what they do when you piss them off, and issued a warrant for arrest. It wouldn't surprise me if they hit him with a clerical charge anyway, even though he has valid excuse/reason (because unlike most ppl he won't own a mphone and thus couldn't contact court). Obviously he's home... QHS had rang me that afternoon, saying they were sending him home (no request to come pick him up), so I figured they were giving him an ambo ride home (about 60klms)....that plan didn't happen, it rained instead, and all the ambos got tied-up with MVAs, so they sent him home in a taxi instead, with $180 hanging on the meter that QHS pays for....

....was it a 'real' attempt, or as I hypothesize in first post, and elaborate rouse to jam the spanner in the works?....I throw both at him...at worst, it was a lousy suicide attempt, and filled him in on everything that happened here in the ensuing hours after they took him away, the QFS with 2 engines & a ute, the fact a lot of those crews have locals in them, and if this gets back to landlord he's not gunna be happy...(seems he paid 3weeks rent in advance to give me time to find somewhere else, something landlord's wife will notice), the 2 QPS officers searching all his things, taking pictures, (casually) interviewing myself...blablabla....and to this he replies "I didn't realize it'd caise all that ; if I had've known, I would've jumped in the car and gone somewhere else to do it." ....(and my brain silently goes 'what? attempt failed nitrogen asphyxiation in another location matters?')...OR .. that was some elaborate plan to piss the powers-that-be off, and get away with it -- he just said the thought of jail time triggered something in him, better dead than captured... that's all. Zero emotion (totally normal for him), minimal body language (again, normal)...he'd be great at poker.

...but I am concerned you might have to deal with this again.

Oh, that's a given ~ I've long ago remarked to sis' and a couple of close friends, that I full expect to wake up one day, to find him dead in his bed, due to bad diet/health conditions. In a way, it's like living with someone involved in a long drawn out suicide attempt by food (more or less), so in a lot of ways I see this event as 'live practice'... a 'dry run' if you will. That rubs both ways..ie; -now-, post event and retrospectively, I know all the small character changes that manifest themselves, leading up to the 'attempt'...things I'd written off as 'normal behavior' if somewhat a little bit 'untimely' .. thing is, I'll pick up on it now without him knowing he's displaying 'signs'...but then, whether or not one has the right to try stop a person's suicide attempt because they were displaying 'signs', is shaky ground...

...long long time ago, backstreets of Darlinghurst, came across this young working girl in a disused car garage, needle still in her arm, turning blue slumped in the corner. With concern for her well-being, I snapped her out of it and got her breathing again ~ after a few minutes, she got her thoughts together and started yelling at me and going off her nut, because she didn't want to live, she wanted to die...screaming, I got out of there asap. Later I understood that if she was hell bent on killing herself that way, (and as she already had a habit), what I'd done was like forcing her to turn another 2 dozen tricks, before she earned enough money, to be able to buy enough heroin to be actually able to OD on the stuff to begin with ; I may have lengthened her spiral downwards without realizing it.

I gave him the stern hairy eyeball look, and decreed "Never again on my watch, yes?" ....he nodded, "Agreed" ; that doesn't mean he won't try it again, just that if it happens again, it won't be anywhere around me.

I'm staying cool and normal as always =)