Seventh Son is a throw-back to the swords 'n' sorcery fantasy flicks of the 80's - films like Dragonslayer, Beastmaster, Krull, The Sword and the Sorcerer, Legend etc - films that were essentially Boris Vallejo pictures writ large for screen. Films that were lite on plot but heavy on dragons, witches, alchemists, damsels and heroes and unabashedly targeted towards teenage boys. I certainly dug them when I was a teenager but were they any better than the dire Seventh Son? In retrospect, probably not.

Coming to Seventh Son as an adult reveals the juvenile wank fodder that this stuff is. Compared to something like The Lord of the Rings, this is little more than fantasy porn where all the thrills are created by the makeup department and CGI.

The plot could barely be shallower: a witch hunter (Jeff Bridges) hunts down his ex-lover witch queen (Julianne Moore) who means to crush the kingdom under her iron stiletto, slaying her various lieutentants along the way. That's it! Of course he has the obligatory apprentice (the titular seventh son of a seventh son) who will ultimately save the day and win the girl of his (our?) dreams. It's interesting to observe how the standards of beauty have changed since the eighties - our slender hero is no longer a muscle-bound oaf nor does our sylph damsel exhibit curvy buxom glory. In this regard, the film is resolutely anti-Vallejo.

For such a superficial film it sports a remarkable cast: Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Olivia Williams, Djimon Hounsou. One can only assume they were desperate to get a fantasy flick on their CV. Ben Barnes (Prince Caspian) and Alicia Vikander (A Royal Affair) are also performing well below their station as our young heroes. Jason Scott Lee, who had such a promising start to his career twenty years ago with Map of the Human Heart, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story and Rapa Nui and has barely been seen since, also features in a support role. This film will unlikely reignite his career.

Apparently it's based on a book.

4 out of 10